Drained

I am feeling drained of motivation and creativity. The last ~8 weeks have been hell. The usual lack of brain activity at work has been compounded with no schoolwork to fill my time. It has really left me in a place, mentally, where I just don't want to do anything.

My job search hasn't turned up much for two reasons. The first is that I just don't feel like doing anything. There have only been one or three jobs that have really gotten me excited. I can't bring myself to consider any more jobs that rot my brain any further. If the property closes and I still haven't found something I really want to do, I will just do what I should have done to begin with...

While I was going through the interview & waiting process for the MBA program, I stumbled upon CCH while looking for a new apartment. Conversations with the owner revealed that he was looking for an assistant, someone to not only help with the community, but with all of his development ideas as well. I was already pretty burned out with apartments, but I have a real interest in development. I spoke w/the MBA program, who had admitted me to the full time program, and they agreed to switch me to part time.

Now, this job has not turned out as promised. I have sat behind this desk answering the phone and showing apartments 99% of the time, with the other 1% handling the existing shopping center. Andrew's development "plans" for the community have obviously been voided due to the decision to sell, and without the payroll to keep me on for his other projects, I have been left out of those.

Had I stuck with plan A and just headed back to school, I would be 2 semesters away from graduating. Instead, I'm two years away and about to be out of the job that I shouldn't have taken in the first place. It won't really make too much of a difference with the school schedule, but I've decided that if I don't find a job that really fulfills me by the time the property sells, I will go back to full-time status, get a job at a bar or restaurant, and just suck it up until I'm done and have a new degree proclaiming me officially ready to embark on a career involving thinking and doing work.

The second reason that I am having trouble finding a job is closely related to the first. I have been stuck in property management purgatory for 4 1/2 years. I have worked for one company who at least encouraged creative marketing ideas, but others have either not needed or not accepted any free thinking. This has left me with not a whole lot to show for myself. In this area, you have to be some sort of computer genius or engineer to find a good job.

Obviously, I am pretty stressed/depressed/discouraged. The back and forth with the sale, lack of good job leads, and my brain turning to mush have really taken their toll. Even if the sale falls through in the end, I won't be able to stay. Maybe I should talk to the program about switching to full time in August, regardless. I'll have to crunch some numbers and see if I can make that work.